love story (still being worked on)

(this story has a lot of spelling errors and may have minor punctuation errors due to not have been edited yet and me still working on it :-))

 

Rushing out of the door, i grabbed my small duffel bag, my organic vanilla latte, and quickly kissed her on the lips as the cab driver honked for what had to be the 10th time. She looked at me intently with her wide puppy eyes and said “you will call when you reach your cousin’s house right?”

“of course . Now i really have to go before this plane leaves me” I say in a loving yet dismissive tone as i stroke her soft short curls. I feel bad about leaving her alone and i know she wants to come with me but i really need to take this break by myself.  Besides I only received one Birthday invitation for my best friends party and Id like to see where our relationship goes before i bring her home to the folks. We hug tightly one last time before i run out to the minivan cab thats waiting for me. my long curls are soaked in the heavy California rain.

I jump in the cab and tell the driver to take me to San Francisco International Airport. I look out of the back window of the cab at my girlfriend, the heavy rain slightly blurs my vision.  Her deep chocolate complexion, her curly short cut dyed auburn reddish brown, her 5’7 frame. Her extremely thin v-neck tshirt clings to her thin lanky body and i can see her nipples protruding through the material. Though her name is Cairo, looking at her reminds me of Ethiopia, a place ive never even been. Shes beautiful. She could be a model but thats not her speed. I turn back around as my phone vibrates loudly from my bag. My best friends sisters picture pops up on my phone with her message underneath “you on the plane yet nigga” I chuckle to myself and respond with a “shut the fuck up. im on my way now”

The cabbie aggressively pulls up in front of the airport. Fuck, I have 15 mintues before I miss my flight. I jump out, Grab my bag and hurry through security. I take my seat by the window, Pull out my ipad and pillow and prepare to watch movies and doze off for these next 6 hours in the air.

I wake up to my ears popping from the landing of the plane and a dead ipad. I can see the outline of my city as the plane lowers and an intense rush of excitement, nervousness and love come over me.  Its been an entire year and two months since ive been home in nyc. An entire 14 months since i seen the faces of my family and friends.

Coming out of the airport, the bitter cold new york wind slaps my skin hard and my eyes water just a bit. Id adjusted so well to warm dryness of my new San Francisco home. i flag a yellow cab and like clock work my phones begins to ring. Its Yana again, my bestfriends sister.  “yoooo im here ” i yell into the phone before anyone can say hello. Immediatly i hear laughing and a wide smile spreads across my face. “ahhhhhh i cant believe youre finally here kush!!! i wont believe it til i see your fucking face!!” she yells laughing uncontrollably. “You know Yas is going to lose her mind right?” she follows quickly. Sudden images of Yas rush through my mind and i get an uneasiness in my stomach. Yasmine has been my bestfriend of 10+ years. We met during freshman year of college at one of the many marijuana parties going on on campus and we’ve been close ever since. Shes been there for me throughout anything that could ever happen to a person. Bad and Good. and Vice Versa. From relationship issues to family problems, to finances. Shes been my therapist, my accountant, my rock. Anything you can think of, i always know for a fact that i can trust yasmine.

Two years ago, right before i moved to Miami then later San Fran. Me and yasmine were in my apartment in Harlem. She was going through a lot in her life and needed some best friend down time. Her family wasnt around, problems with her business began to surface which lead to financial problems. Her overall happiness was vanishing.

We were sitting on my mid sized living room floor painting, when she said “forreal i dont know how i would do this without you girl” i looked at her and passed the blunt  “youre so mushy” i said laughing, semi making fun of her sentimental comment. She knew I was playing but the serious expression on her face remained stagnant. I looked back up at her from my painting

“ok …..i’m sorry. i was only playing with you. you know i love you…i cant let you come across any kind of hardship without me being there offering my assistance the best i can” I say to her, giving in to the mushy moment that she clearly wanted to happen. Yasmine is a very emotional person, but she only shows it to me. She looks back up at me from her painting. Her long dreadlocks spilling over her grey eyes and face, i can see her smiling at me. “youre such a fucking creep” i say with a smile and chuckle.

“and im youre bestfriend so that kind of makes me your creep” she says a bit more serious then i was expecting. I get up to go the kitchen to grab us some more Heineken’s. Drunk/high painting has always been our favorite past time. as I bend over in the fridge to grab the beers, i feel someone walk up behind me. “what are you doing now creep?” i say to Yasmine as i close the fridge. I turn around and she is so close to me i could have bitten her slender nose. “Yas whatchu doing” i ask her with a small laugh but in a not so playing tone. she was acting kind of weird with me all week, and now this.

“why are you looking at me like that?” i ask her “because i love you” she says in the most passionate yet serious voice ive ever heard her speak in. Her grey eyes lock in on my hazel ones, and before i can ask what she meant by that, i see her brown face rush toward mine. Her soft locs smelled like lavender and jasmine, and before i can think twice about it, I was making out with my best friend.

Her lips were so soft they felt like velvet flower petals. Her tongue dashed into my mouth, parting my lips gently as i gave in to her kiss. I began to slowly pull away, but she grabbed my waist tight pulling me back into her, making eye contact with me once more. Her face was expressionless as if to see how i would react. I was in a state of shock. In over 10 years of our friendship, me and yasmine have never crossed the line with each other. I loved her more than anyone but  I never seriously looked at Yas as anything other than my bestfriend…which is pretty good for two lesbians.

“Yas…”  before i could finish my sentence, she cut me off  “its because i love you. all of the answers to the questions that you are about to ask me, is because i love you…i am so in love with you”

I snapped back to reality. I gave the cabbie the directions to my cousins house, the place where id be staying the 4 days that i am home.  I continued on the phone with Ayana, Yasmines older sister “yeah im sure she will. im kind of nervous though yana forreal. Does yas even know i am coming for the party? i havnt seen her since..well..you know”

” nope she has no idea youre in town. as far as yasmine goes you are still home in cali with your new gf and job…… but, shes going to love that you flew across country for her. she misses you so much kush. you two were so close. she still has you as her laptop screen saver” there she goes with that uncontrollable laughter again.  “i know but when i left, we parted on such a wierd note..i just dont know yana”  i say nervously.

The cabbie speeds down the belt parkway from the airport to bedstuy brooklyn where my cousin lives and the neighborhood i grew up in. we pull in front of a huge brownstone i pay the cabbie and call my cousin to answer the door. He rushes downstairs in sweats holding a cold beer with two blunts already rolled. Jarrod knows me so well.

I run to my cousin and greet him with a huge hug. He lifts me slightly and spins us around like he use to do when we were 10. ” yo i cant believe i went from seeing you everyday to not seeing you for over a year..thats not even right cousin you know you were the little sis i never had” he says playfully shoving me while we sit in his over sized windowsill smoking. “word i know. but next time im sending you a ticket to SF because i cant do this cold anymore jarrod” I say chuckling,

“so you ready for the party tomorrow night? yasmine’s shit?” he says taking a pull of the blunt. “why is everyone bringing her up? jarrod, i dont know. i really dont. i just want to see her, i miss my bestfriend so much.. but i dont know how things are between us now” i say in a tired voice

I drink one more beer with my cousin before going to bed slightly tipsy. I climb three flights up of the brownstone before reaching the huge bedroom with a queen sized bed my cousin is letting me use. I stretch out in the big bed, letting the cool sheets leave goosebumps on my skin. I reach for my phone and text Yasmine a quick happy birthday text since it is 12:15 am, she is still my bestfriend, and technically it is her birthday today. Little does she know that within the next few hours, we will be seeing each other for the first time in over a year. We don’t speak everyday anymore, but i always acknowledge her milestones.

“Happy Birthday old lady. love you 🙂 🙂 :-)” I type quickly. I was not expecting an immediate response since she would normally be out drinking somewhere, but my phone vibrated loudly what felt like 7 seconds later. “Thank you stranger. Im glad you still remember something lol” she says in reply. Although she said laughing out loud in her message, i knew she was not laughing nor did she say she loved me back. “Fuck, tomorrow will be definitely be interesting” i say to myself before dropping my phone in my bag and drifting off to deep sleep.

I wake up late morning to an empty house. I rush down the three flights of stairs way easier than i made it up last night. I hurry to kitchen to make pancakes, a fruit salad and to call my mother and ayana.

An hour later, I am finishing up breakfast with my mom and getting ready to meet with Ayana. “just let that girl come to you krystal” my mother says before getting into her car. “You two will always have each other. I know that, so do you, and so does Yasmine. take it easy..everything will go smooth” she kisses my cheek and pulls off. I just saw my mom a month ago when she visited me in SF..but you would think it has been over a year since ive saw her too they way she can talk.

I go back inside to find ayana already sitting in the living room waiting for me. She looks exactly the same as when i last saw her. Short, petite, and with a light brown fro bigger than her that matched her freckled cheeks perfectly. I run to her with arms wide and bring her into a big hug, and of course she laughs uncontrollably running her hand through my curls. “How the hell did you get in here” i exclaim “oh i saw you outside talking to mama in the car, it looked serious and i didnt want to disturb so i figured you left door open and you did, i came on in” she says smiling wide with what looked like a million teeth.

I made us some mimosas and rolled a few J’s, it wasnt long after that, that ayana started her favorite thing, gossiping. I am not much of gossip person, but ayana always has the juicy info. “so whats up you kush..whats going on? she asks me with a smirk. I knew this question wasnt as simple as it seemed so i say “what you mean yana?? ive been good. Just living the california life..ya know” i answer suspiciously. “mhmmm how is Cairo? you didnt want us to meet her?” Ayana asks boldly taking a pull of the blunt. i look at her for a few seconds before answering and giving her a *is that a serious question face* “well to be honest ayana, i didnt know if i should bring her yet. theres been so much off and on tension between me and yasmine since she told me she was in love with me, and i love her too…i do yana” I take a huge gulp of my mimosa and instantly feel woozy. “Its her birthday i didnt want to do anything that may cause issues or worsen the tension. I came here for my bestfriends birthday to have a good time, I want yasmine to have a good time as well. Besides you only sent me one invitation ayana. You know you could have sent two if you really wanted to meet Cairo” i say chuckling.

she laughs as well. “you right. but yas is my baby sister kush” she says looking at me seriously. Oh god i hope shes not trying to play the protective big sister role on me, i think to myself. “no shit sherlock” i respond quickly. Ayana laughs again “no but seriously. i know yall have been best friends since college. shit you’re like my sister too you know? things got really strange after you left krystal” she says, i look up at her smoking my blunt. Ayana has been the closest thing to a big sister that ive ever had, i say to myself coming to this new found realization.

“yasmine closed up. she wouldnt talk to anyone anymore. she would barely go out with us” ayana told me in a quieter tone, as if someone was listening to us speak. She looked at me intently then back down at the mimosa she was clasping in her hands resting in her lap.

“what do you mean she closed up?” I asked looking at ayana a bit startled. “she kind of changed. she kept to herself a lot more, she wouldnt hang out with us, all she did was paint at the studio and go home. some people even asked if she was depressed.” ayana said, her voice getting louder as she spoke with passion and worry about her little sister.

My breathing began to quicken as it got heavier, I looked up at ayana. I had no idea yasmeen had went through all of this after i left because had i known, i surely would have come to her, some way somehow. “i dont think i understand what youre saying yana. Are you saying, you think she began acting this way because… because i moved away? that cant be” I say to ayana dismissively. “seriously, i dont know what happened between you and yasmeen but i do know she loves you past being her bestfriend. Shes never been close to anyone the way she has been with you these past 10 years, shes never loved anyone the way she loves you. The way she looks at you..i never see that look on her face unless youre around.” Ayana says pressingly.” its part of why i asked you to come home for her birthday” she added.

A sudden rush of guilt swept over me, my stomach began to hurt and my face felt hot. “Did my bestfriend change because of me? is she really in love with me?” i ask ayana desperately “i believed her when she told me she loved me, but i couldnt ruin what we built for a relationship. i had so much going with me then, i was already planning my move to miami, i was starting a new writing job in miami..i love yasmeen, but ive never thought of her as my girlfriend” i say to ayana with my voice quieting down.

Ayana sat next to me “when you first moved to miami she went after you, you know”

“what do you mean she went after me?” I ask her. “about a month after you moved, yas had a lot of money saved up, she booked a flight and told me she couldnt take it, she was going to find her girl, her bestfriend. You never gave her your exact address, just the area where you lived so she didnt have much to go on with finding you. But she saw you in your neighborhood. She said she saw you walking with a girl who had her arm around your waist. You all were walking and talking and smiling. i dont know what else she saw but she came back and she wasnt the same”

“yasmine came to miami???” was all i could mutter after hearing the entire ordeal, i had no idea she had ever been to florida at all. I looked up ayana who was now standing over me. My stomach began to hurt again. “yana, she came to miami to find me?” i say again grabbing my forehead “i have to go find yasmine. I have to see her” i say jumping off of the couch. Ayana pushed me back down. “No you dont. You will see her in about hour or so at the party. By the way, forget we spoke about all of this. Show me what you are wearing tonight” ayana said brightly, obviously changing the subject.

20 mintues after going through outfits for yasmine’s party, Ayana leaves and i take a hot shower. “i cant believe she came after me, she really came to miami?..i wonder what her plan was?” i ask myself taking deep inhales of hot steam in the shower.

I jump out and freshen and shake my curls out. Theyre dark brown, with streaks of reddish brown flowing through. i look at myself in the mirror and chuckle “the girls love the wild look” i say to myself. I then squeeze into an extremely tight pair of black jeans, a black halter top and black and red stilettos. I place a gold ankh around my neck and long gold earrings in my ears. I add my gold and silver bangles put on a fitted stripped black blazer and head out the door.

The party is at a loft in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I take Jarrod’s red mustang and speed the entire way there. Once I arrive, I began to park my car and I see Yasmine walking in with some of our friends. My old friends from brooklyn..the memories in my head are too much. Yasmine is stunning. Her long gold blonde locs are styled in a beautiful up-do, she is wearing a small classy black dress that fits her curves perfectly, and long stiletto black boots. I look at her ears and see the ankh earrings i gave her. I looked back down at my ankh necklace. this necklace use to be hers and those earrings were once mine. I smiled to myself and the nervousness resurfaced.

I sit in the car for another 15 minutes after they disappear inside and text ayana “im outside”. 3 mintues later i see ayana running towars my car laughing, shes clearly been drinking. “why are you not inside lady?” she asks me grabbing my arm and pulling my toward the loft. “i am so nervous yana i dont know…oh shit” i exclaim. We walked right into the back of my bestfriend.

Yasmeen turned around quickly “ayana what the fu…” she started to curse her older sister, probably for being so drunk and clumsy before the end of her sentence trailed off. She looked at me, her grey eyes wide with shock and her mouth slightly open but she remained silent. “how you been yas?” i ask, my voice shaken with nerves. Yasmine looks away, takes a deep breath and walks off without answering my question or acknowledging my presence.

“what the fuck just happened ayana?” i ask desperatly “i have no idea. she had no clue you were coming…i wanted to suprise her. i will be right back, i have to find yas” ayana says in drunk yet worried voice. I go to the bar and order an extra strong strawberry margarita as some old friends  walk over to me. we drink, we laugh, we talk and had a good time

What feels like and hour later, I see yasmine again. The same old friends that were just chatting with me, have now made their way to chat with yas. I notice her staring at me periodically and she notices that oing the same. “what the fuck is wrong with her? why is she ignoring me” i ask my drunk self. I hear my phone vibrating loudly from my clutch bag. I have 5 missed text messages and 3 missed calls from Cairo. “omg..what am i doing?” i think to myself as i catch myself remembering…i do have a girlfriend. As my drunk mind races with all kinds of thoughts, i feel a body pressing against me from behind while i sit on a bar stool. My heart has an idea of who may be leaning on me this way, but my mind wont jump to any conclusions.

“get up” the woman says in a stern seductive voice. I look up and see her grey eyes piercing down at me. “what do you mean get up?” i say confused. She tells me to get up one more time and i reluctantly oblige. Me and yas are standing face to face, her grey eyes staring into my brown ones..her face as close as it was when she kissed me. “Come over here” she says impatiently grabbing my hand and leading me to a small dark area in the loft. I follow her, inhaling her scent of lavender and jasmine again, she turns around to face me and i grab her into a hug. She hugs me back and i can feel her squeeze becoming tighter around my waist.

“what are you doing here? how did you get here? how did you know…i am so confused” yas says to me breathlessly and confused, finally letting me go. her breath smelled like mint and alcohol. “well a month ago…..ayana called me and told me she was throwing you a suprise party for your 28th birthday..she told me that i should come, so last week i booked my plane tickets, i arrived last night and i am staying with my cousin jarrod…. so here i am ” i say with a shrug and a nervous smile.

Yasmine stared at me, her grey eyes low with intoxication. “you just randomly pop up for my birthday…you’ve been gone for over a year. I have not seen the person who was closest to me for over a year.  you up and moved away. you didnt even look back. Now you show up like nothing even happened?”  Yasmine got up and walked away, she left me in the dark corner of the loft by myself. She was hurting and I knew she was. “this is what i was afriad of…i have to make things right with her this time” i say to myself.

I reach for my phone as im walking from the corner Yas brought me to, I text ayana “shes mad at me. i expected this. but i have to fix things with her tomorrow, i need to leave, i am way too drunnkk” ayana texts me back “take yasmine with you” “how am i suposed to do that” i think to myself. I walk past the bar and see yas talking with ayana. Ayana spots me from behind yas, and hand gestures for me to come over to them. “Hey yana” I say, as i look to Yas who has now turned her face away from me, clearly upset. “wassup kush what are you about to do? maybe you can take yas with you” ayana asks drunkenly laughing.

“Well i just came to say bye since i am heading home soon” i say looking at yas. “im not doing shit with you” shes responds quickly, giving me a look of death. Ayana not surprisingly, finds this funny and burst into laughter before walking away. “Yasmine just come by the house for a second. I have some pot and snacks, and ill bring you home. you dont have to stay long..lets just talk. please” I say to my bestfriend in my best submissive apologetic voice i can muster, i then step a bit closer to her so she can feel me, i flash my dimples, flick my curls and softly grab her hand. A slow reluctant smile tries to spread across her face but she hides it. This was her weakness and i knew it. “mhmmm thats what i thought” i say to myself feeling kind of victorious.

That victory feeling was crushed the minute we got to my cousins house. “i cant deal with you. what the fuck are you doing? you leave me hanging without a word, come back and suprise me for my bday without a word…. now you expect me to chill with you and eat snacks??” she yells at me, her speech slurred as trips over her own shoes while taking them off. “i heard you came to miami when i first moved” i say seriously looking directly into her beautiful grey’s. She looked back at me with the same wide eyed shock she had when i first appeared for her party. “Where did you get that?” she asks suspiciously some anger disappearing from her voice. “ive been hearing it around. i heard you came a month after i left but you didnt know where i lived…so you left and i never knew.” i say pressingly, trying to get her to open up

“ayana told you that” she said breaking our eye contact and looking up at the ceiling, a small tear falling from the corner of her eye. I wipe it gently “i love you yasmine. i just want to know whats going with you…i didnt mean to up and leave, i didnt mean to make it seem like i dont care, i didnt meant to leave you” i say rubbing the side of her face. “do you LOVE me? you know how i feel about you, i just need to hear your answer” yas asked me urgently, her tears coming down slowly.

I looked over at her as we sat on my cousins leather couch, my stomach wild with nerves “yeah…i…do. im in love with you” the words seem to fall from my mouth, as if they were waiting for my brain to give the OK to release them. This was the first time i openly declared being in love with my bestfriend.  Yas didnt respond nor look at me after i said it, instead she grabbed my hand and got up. Not sayiing a word, she looked back at me and pulled me up too leading me out of the living room and towards the stairs. “where are we going yas?” I ask her, she looks at me with lust filled eyes, and i give her a soft smile in return as we silently agree that neither one of us will ever forget this night.

Yas opens the door slowly as we reach my third floor bedroom. I turn on the dim lights, let her in then head back to the bathroom, the alcohol was running through me like a race horse. My phone vibrated loudly in my pocket the entre time, i shake my head and ignore it, already knowing who was calling me. I reach back to my room and its dark again, except for the one small candle sitting on the mantle piece. “what are you doing” i ask yas with a chuckle. I turn around to find her standing directly behind me, her beautiful body completely nude. She looked like a god.

Her long gold locks had been taken out of the updo she previously had at the party, they were now stretching more than half way down her back, her gold brown complexion glistened in the soft candle light, her thick lips pursed with a smirk, her full breasts and brown nipples stood at attention, and her grey eyes hazy with lust focused on me. I could have jumped her right there but i held my composure. I stared at her in awe and she leaned in for a kiss. Her jasmine scent is intoxicating. my lips parted hers as our tongues danced and she released a soft moan when i sucked her bottom lip softly.

I watched her tug at my jeans in the dim light, as i removed my shirt and bra. She manged to wriggle my tight black jeans down my thighs and legs, getting a firm grip of my ass through my boyshorts and pulling me in for another kiss once she was done. I backed away from her towards the queen size bed, staring at her body…taking in all its beauty. She pushed me backward onto the bed, got on top of me then proceeded to remove the last bit of clothes on body, once she succeeded in her mission to have me completely naked she stared at my body hungrily. Noticing her stare, I smiled at her “i missed you” i whispered seductively to her, pulling her down on top me and taking one of her plump nipples into my mouth. I sucked on it slowly, flicking my tongue over the tip and leaving a gentle bite that sent a chil through her body, this time a loud moan escaped her pretty lips. She ran her fingers softly through my curls and pulled herself back off of me. She gave me the hungry stare a second time, then made her to my breast, sucking and leaving soft kisses all over them. She made a trail with her tongue while leaving more kisses from my nipples, down my stomach, down to my area below the belt.

I grabbed her locs and moaned loudly as i felt her tongue make love to my clit. it seemed like the more excited i became, the more turned on she was. every moan that left my mouth made her tongue go deeper and her lips suck harder. She was wild between my legs. the pleasure became over bearing so i quickly back away from her, she came up with me and i pulled her down kissing her, licking and sucking my wetness from her lips. i flipped us over so now i was on top and yas and the bottom, she smiled so i grinded on her slow..our wetness coming togther. i slid down her body to her thighs, kissing and licking the insides of each one, she moaned deeply and rubbed my hair. i saw her wet, glistening pussy in front me…my tongue slowly licks over clit and i feel her body jump. i smile to myself and lick her a second time, she jumps even harder. i then take her clit in my lips and suck slowly..then stop, she grabs my head and says “why are you teasing me” i laugh a little but continue for another 3 minutes just so i can watch her beautiful body jump. i take my tongue and put it inside of her, tasting every ounce of her juices. I then take myshe moans loud and deep, she grabs my head and grinds on my face..i can feel her becoming wetter. I give her one last flick of my tongue and her legs shook uncontrollably, she pushed my head further into her and screamed loudly. I sucked her clit as her warm cum wet my lips and cheeks.

i bit the inside of her thigh as i came up. When she smiled at me, it was a smile i never saw on yas’s face before. I saw warmth, love and excitement, but also a some confusion and curiosity. She sat up and greeted me with a passionate kiss, and muttered “i love you kush” in between her kisses. i backed up and looked at her before responding, “i love you too yas” i said, as i looked deeply into her grey’s. She laid back on the plush white pillows and signaled for me to lay on her. We cuddled into each other and slept that way for the remainder of the night.

My subconcious must have been aware to what my concious was blind too. I rolled over in my sleep fully expecting to wrap my arms around yas once more, but was instead greeted by the coolness of the sheet. damn even in my sleep i find myself expecting shit. “whats going on” i think to myself realizing i am alone in the bed and in the room. “yas” i call out, i get no response, I call yas two more times to no avail, “yasmineeeeee” i yell down the stairs, i can hear someone down there. I grab a pair of shorts and a tank top and run down the three flights of stairs as fast as i can to find yas in the living room pacing.

Something isnt right i think to myself and instantly my stomach aches with nerves. Before i can make my presence known, Yas spins around abruptly and looks at me, her eyes wide and stained red and swollen. “Shes crying again…damnit” i think to myself. “Kush” she says tiredly “whats wrong with you? why are you crying? what happened?” i ask her, walking towards her with my arms open. She collapses into them and wraps her arms around my waist, her head in my neck. I stroke her soft locks “whats wrong yasmine?” i say softly in her ear, pressing the issue, her body was hot and she was shaking . “we dont know what we are doing” shes says making eye contact with me “your phone was going off all night kush….and i know you love me and i love you too…but i dont know what to do now” she said her voice trailing off. She said all three 3 statements at once and they didnt make much sense to me. what does she mean we dont know what we are doing? what else does she not know? why was she paying attention to my vibrating phone? “my phone probably would have been ringing all nigh too…if i hadnt turned it off” yasmine continued with a sarcastic chuckle. Her expression changed, she went from being confused and angry to confused, angry…and another emotion i was not too familiar with, she almost looked helpless.

“what do mean youre phone would have been ringing all night too? why did you turn your phone off yas? you dont know what to do about what? yas please talk to me. youre scaring me, youre upset and i have no idea why…i thought we had a great night” i say to her, doubt creeping into my voice.  “we did…it was amazing. last night was honestly the happiest i have been in a long time. i want to run off with you” she said jokingly. “i wouldnt mind…i love you yasmine, im not losing you again this time but i need you to talk to me” i say to her. she looked at me seriously. “i think we already lost each other baby..you been gone for over a year” she looked away, her eyes tearing up again as she grabbed both of my hands “yo im engaged…” she said quickly looking directly at me, almost like she was looking through me. “thats why my phone would have been ringing. and i turned it off because i was with you…and you matter to me more than anything. i needed you to understand that. But after we made love and your phone just kept going off, i knew it was your girlfriend cairo and… everything, reality came crashing down me. we were in a dream last night kush..it was great, and i wish it would have happened before you left..maybe you wouldnt have left….but it wasnt real…”

I dropped down on the couch. I felt nauseous and my palms began to sweat. her words hit me like speeding 18 wheeler…”shes engaged…what the fuck?.. to who? what does she mean last night wasnt real??. i gave her my all. emotionally, mentally and physically. maybe i was a year late with doing that, but i was going through…omg…what does she mean shes engaged?” i thought to myself, my mind was spinning. I looked up at her, and the expression i gave must have been one she wasnt familiar with seeing on my face. she looked frightened and sad “kush…” she says my name so softly, like didnt just tell me she was marrying someone else. “when did this happen? when were you going to tell me? you mean to say… you got mad with me for supposedly leaving you. and you have a fucking fiance in the background? i should have just left and never came back. why didnt ayana tell me this? why did she have my come across country to make up with you and youre going to have another wife?” the words flew out of my mouth as tears ran down my cheeks like rain water, i stood there staring at her beautiful grey eyes..which were ugly to me now. I knew i hurt yasmine and i was willing to own to up to that, and do whatever i had to to make sure she was happy..but this???? i dont deserve this. i dont. i run the upstairs with yas quickly at my tail. “kush..baby just listen to me..please” she said in an exasperated tone.

I spun around urgently and chuckled “nahh… noo yas. i will not listen and i am not your baby. wtf are you doing yasmine? at least you knew about my girlfriend! i made it a point to tell you everything about Cairo. and i find out the day after we make love that your getting married?!? i have to be alone for bit” i said as i went into my bedroom and slammed the door, yas began to speak again “krystal…i know. there is no explanation for me not telling you… i should have told you months ago while you were in california” her voice began to shake again “krystal can you let me in please..can we speak face to face? we need to see each other”

i collapsed on my bed in a world of unfathomable sobs before drifitng off into a light nap.  i also never answered yas question about opening the door. she lingered on the other side of the closed door for quite sometime…longer than I expected before sliding a piece if paper beneath the bedroom door and leaving. I slowly made my way off the bed and drug my feet to full size mirror acorss the room. I stood there and stared at myself…my curls were wild, my eyes were bloodshot, swollen and tear crust had formed in the corners.

My jeans were hanging off my ass and my shirt looked like it didnt know what an iron was. I was a wreck. I couldnt even think, all i know is that I am in love with my best friend Yasmine, and i always have been. I guess i waited too long to tell her that..why didnt i tell her how i felt when she first told me she was in love with me? why am i so stupid? i should have stayed..instead i packed up, moved to san fransisco and got a new life that im not sure im happy with anymore. I know what i must do, and i must make me happy…even if i end up alone.

I glanced at the paper yas slid under the door and ignored it. Instead i went to my cell phone and called Jarrod “yoooo” he answered the phone “yo J its me..what are doing right now? i asked him in my best impersonation of a happy voice, trying desperatly to make the sadness exit. “Cuz..are you good? whats going on?” he asked in his way-too-overprotective-tone. “fuck he knows” i think to myself…”yas was here, she told me shes getting married soon and i flipped out on her. Could you help me pack so i can get back to california and feel like mysef again” i said in the most suprisingly nonchalant tone..though nonchalant was far from how i felt.

Just before Jarrod arrived, i had brought my clothes and luggage downstairs to pack them in the living room but the packing part never began. I sat on the couch in the middle of piles of clothes and suitcases. All i could think of was my best friend…and her soon to be wife, and our night last night, her birthday party and my own girlfriend Cairo, who i barely spoke to since arriving. “What is my love life coming to” i said rubbing my curls and watching Jarrod turn the lock and begin opening the door.

“cousin ..whats going on” Jarrod said concerned. “did you know yasmine was engaged too?” he looked down at his watch “i hear something like that from her sister..but nobody seems too happy about her choice. i think thats why yana was trying to get you back in the picture” he said “fuck both of em” i said quitely but loud enough for jarrod to hear” he chuckled “so you running off again huh?” he said sarcastically. “youre not even going to try and see whats up with yas and her wife? you know that you have her heart. you always did and probably always will” he said looking my in my eyes. “No its a wrap for that..if me and yas are going to be together it will happen. but not while shes marrying someone who isnt me” i said with an attitude. Jarrods eyes got wide with excitement..”you say that like you dont have a girlfriend at home waiting on you too”

The cab pulls up to the terminal where i am boarding my flight. “yeah my flight leaves in 2 hrs. and im not sure how i feel about anything. ill be back home soon too a girlfriend thats  probably broken up with me and a shitload of unfinished papers. what is my life coming to?” i say in an exasperated tone on the phone with Yana. She chuckles but has a hard time hiding the disappointment in her voice  “im so sorry things went the way they did girl. it was my fault. i shouldnt have insisted you come out here. im suprised niether  you or yas hasnt stopped speaking to me yet;

I yawn and stretch my arms a bit. The plane is dark with the exception of a few tv lights coming from every other seat, an occasional cell phone screen light or a reading light. I always enjoyed night time flights. Theyre quiet and relaxing. I sit back and look out of the window and reflect on this weeks events, the low hum of the plane in the background. The sharp sting in my stomach that made itself apparent once i learned of Yas’s engagement has yet to leave me alone. It makes me feel sick. She is all i can think about, though she is the one that caused this pain.  I feel worse knowing i hurt her as well. I briefly take my phone off airplane mode and connect to the planes wifi. The sting in my stomach pangs me again with the thought of a message from Yas or Cairo. I get a notification about a missed called from my mother. I make a mental note to call her back later. About an hour left and I will be back on solid ground. I switch my phone back to airplane mode and close my eyes.

The slow descend awakens me and I realize we’re landing. The purple morning sun illuminates the LAX sign now getting bigger and bigger and i smirk to myself enjoying the view.  I collect my baggage, grab an expensive ass airport coffee and hail my cab. My new reality hasnt set in yet. Will i come home to a loving girlfriend again? hell do i even have a girlfriend after all? My cab pulls up in front my house, i pay the cabbie and he helps bring my luggage to the door. “thanks.” i say lowly with a smile. I struggle with my keys and finally manage ot burst the through my front door. “ah exactly how i left you” i say to the house.

I sniff a bit deeper taking in the smell of Cairo. Ive hurt her more than im ready to admit to. She’s tangled  in something i didnt even mean to create. I swear i was only going home for my bestfriends surprise birthday, if i had an extra ticket, i would have taken her with me. Maybe none of this would have happened had i never agreed to go. I love Yas , i wont deny that but me and yas seperated years ago. And though it wasnt clear why at the time, maybe its for the better as of now.  I run my hand through my hair as her beautiful face appears in my head. i feel awful. She must have been here not too long ago i think.  I dash up the stairs to run a hot shower. I still haven’t heard from her to my surprise. Also to my surprise, i haven’t reached out to her either really. Confusion? maybe. Sadness? possibly. Guilt? Most definitely. I step of the shower and rub on some orange oil. I pick up the phone to call Cairo and the sharp pain of anxiety in my stomach stings harder than ever.

After what seemed like forever, I hear a stern “Hello” her slight english accent making itslelf known appears on the other side.

“Hey” i respond in no particular tone. She chuckles a bit sarcastically ” i dont even know what to say to you at the point….its been a week, and ive spoken to you once” i exhale, “im back home. i promise we will talk aboout everything, do you mind coming over tonight Cairo?” she lingers on the other end for about 3 mins before responding with ” i should be pulling up in an hour”

Exactly and hour later i hear a low car engine outside. In front of my house is Cairo’s all black 2018 nissan maxima with black tinted windows. My stomach begins to bubble and the feeling of wanting to take a shit comes rushing in.  i throw on a pair of grey sweats and a tank top and go to open the front door for her

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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